Tandem Toddlers

When I was pregnant with Primrose I hoped to feed her until she was six months; never did it cross my mind that 3 years down the line I’d not only still be feeding her but also feeding her little sister My girls are 17 months and 32 months and both nurse a couple of times a day.

We’ve come a long way since our nervous beginnings; from the initial few days of figuring out what goes where and the first time nursing in public. On that first outing my mum came with me. I had dressed carefully, taking advice from an online breastfeeding forum to wear a layer I could pull down and a layer I could pull up, thus enabling tiny to latch on while remaining discreet. After a bit of fumbling about and my mums reassurance that all flesh was contained I sat back and nursed my little one. Over the following weeks I got braver and stopped fretting about discretion. I soon realised that it made more sense to wear something that could be pulled up and down quickly as opposed to a discreet but intricate system. Soon we were nursing in slings, while shopping ,while out walking, there was nowhere that us two experts could not nurse.

When Primrose was six months we began to gently introduce solids through the baby led weaning approach and a few weeks after that we discovered I was pregnant again so we then went through the ups and downs of pregnant nursing. She weaned at 13 ½ months when my milk dried up, I was almost 8 months pregnant, but a year later she decided that she wanted to nurse again. So just like that, I was tandem feeding toddlers.

Toddler nursing and in particular toddler tandem nursing is a long way from the gentle baby days where my little darling would suckle quietly as I chatted to friends. No longer is nursing time signalled by a little one nuzzling in her sling, gently mewling for a feed, now it’s loud and proud toddlers in the seat of the shopping trolley screaming ‘BOOBIE NOW.’ When my girls were infants I’d feed them on demand, anytime anywhere,now I often try to hold them off with a cup of water or a sandwich until it’s a little more convenient for me.
Gone is the cradle hold, the football hold and the gentle positioning techniques. The minute I take my top off to get dressed or have a shower, tiny greedy eyes light up and I’ll generally just lean over or kneel and they’ll stand there, arms hugging me, feeding. If I sit on the couch I’m in danger of being clambered on, my top wrenched up and a little one snuggling in for a feed. They feed their dolls, they get me to feed their dolls. My 2 ½ year old will tell you proudly,‘I have nipple boobs now but when I a big woman I have big boobies and feed my baby that comes out my ‘gina.’ Oh yes, they’re growing up fast.

I’ve recently had to have a little chat with my girls to explain to them that mummy’s boobies are ‘private’ and when we’re visiting people they either take turns feeding or we go somewhere ‘private’ where they can both feed together. Feeding time is not so much about feeding anymore as it is a family activity. To be honest it’s gotten to be a bit of a production. Like anything else we do there is a lot of giggling, jostling, chatting, messing and general toddlerness. This is all well and good but I’ve moved a little out of my comfort zone when I’m trying to have a conversation with another adult with my top up around my ears and two nutters wrestling over my boobs.
I jokingly called it ‘boobiefest’ one day and it caught on.
‘Mummy, I want a boobiefest NOW.’
‘In a minute love, when I’ve finished cleaning up the little poo pile your sister left behind the couch.’

Did I mention I have to hum ‘neeee, neeeee’ while feeding? It started a few weeks ago when Primrose was complaining the Buttercup had emptied ‘her’ boob. I pretended to fill it up while making the aforementioned ‘neee’ sound. Bad mistake. Himself thinks it’s hilarious and keeps suggesting to the girls that I ought to make a ‘bing’ noise when it’s full. Pity I can’t reach to kick him when the two savages are nursing.

Everything about our nursing relationship feels right to me and totally normal. I’m not sure how long this wonderful part of our reationship will continue but we’ll be at it as long as they like. We may be heading towards the outer reaches of parenting normality in this country but that’s society’s issue. My family are very happy.

All better now......

Well blogosphere it’s been a while and so much has been going on for the family (does that sound too mafia?) that it’s difficult to know where to start.

We’ve moved west to more peaceful environs and had a busy Christmas and New Year. But by far the biggest change has been in Primrose’s quality of life. We’ve discovered the root of her discomfort, irritability and reluctance to travel or sleep.

She’s always been a vocal and energetic little thing but has suffered terribly from wind. Early on I cut dairy out my diet, tomatoes (which used to cause her sister upset), onions, and all the usual suspects. Things would often be ok for a few days but she never slept very well and no amount of winding seemed to ease her pain. Every time I’d think we had got to the root of it there would be another horrendous few days where she couldn’t bear to lie down, be in the car seat or be out of mama’s arms. I don’t know what I’d have done without my slings. Doctors suggested colic, one said that it was probably something I was eating, the next said it couldn’t be anything I was eating. I knew my little girl wasn’t right: I was beginning to suspect there might even be a problem with her digestive system. But, she was alert and thriving and putting on loads of weight. In the dark hours I’d wonder if it was all in my head and she was just a cranky baby. But that’s not something that I really believed.

Once Primrose started on solids everything got worse and I slipped into the fug of sleeplessness where it is impossible to figure out what exactly is going on. This coincided with moving house, a round of colds and a bout of tummy bug in the house .After a particularly horrendous few weeks, there came a moment of clarity that resulted Primrose and me both going on a serious elimination diet. We gradually began reintroducing foods into my diet and paying close attention to her reactions. Wheat and gluten were reintroduced successfully (thankfully) and after reactions to goats milk cheese and other dairy products we deduced that she has milk protein intolerance.

Since we’ve both been totally dairy free (goat and sheep too), and neurotic about reading the small print of ingredients, the happy little girl that used to appear periodically is here all the time. We await an appoint with a paediatrician but are delighted to have our tiny ball of energy smiling all day.

And now that mama has two content babas and is getting some sleep herself, there may even be time for blogging and updating the website:)

Toddler led weaning

Repeat after mummy:

‘Cheese sandwiches are for mummy, daddy and Buttercup. Not for Primrose. She’s too small.’

A little voice says, ‘No fo Pimwose, too mall.’

Primrose is four months old and in danger of falling victim to toddler led weaning. Mummy’s intervention should ensure (fingers crossed) that she remains on a breast milk only diet until she’s at least six months.

When she weans we want her to do it at her own pace. We also want to help her develop a healthy attitude to food. To these ends we've decided to take the baby led weaning route. The idea is that as we introduce Primrose to a range of healthy foods we’ll let her decide how many breastfeeds she wants and how much solid food she’ll ingest. With breast feeding we’ve trusted her to regulate her own calorie intake and we’ll continue with that as she moves towards a diet containing less milk and more other food.

Like her sister, Primrose will be introduced to solid food gently and in a fun way (if it’s not forced into her by a toddler who wants to ‘share’). In order for her to enjoy experiencing the different tastes, textures and smells, we’ll go with finger food from the beginning and let her feed herself (closely watched of course).

Buttercup’s first taste of food was lightly steamed broccoli florets and carrot batons. She played about a bit and shoved them in her mouth and generally had great fun. Tgd (tinygreendada) and I were ridiculously excited when we discovered broccoli in her nappy – solid food has passed through her digestive system!

Buttercup is nearly 20 months now and loves her food. There are times when she'll refuse dinner and I’ll realise that maybe she’s had enough today or she’s had sufficient carbs so I’ll offer her some fruit instead. And sometimes it's just because she's asserting her will, but that's fine too. Mealtimes are a time to share and to enjoy both the food and each others company.

Now I just have to convince Buttercup that Primrose is 'too mall' to have her teeth brushed or be dragged around by the hand.



For information on baby led weaning see:

Gill Rapley and Tracey Murkett’s book Baby Led Weaning

What, no puree? an article in the guardian by Joanna Moorehead. A good overview of BLW.

Baby-led. Baby led weaning website based on the book by Gill Rapley and Tracey Murkett.

Babyledweaning. Website and blog by mums, with lots of recipe ideas and ideas for starter foods.

Hannahled weaning a lovely BLW blog

Our co-sleeping story

It was a midwife who introduced us to co-sleeping on the night Buttercup was born. Buttercup, my giant boobs and I were having some choreography difficulty so the midwife showed me how to feed while we were both lying down (Buttercup and I as opposed to the midwife and I).When Buttercup had finished and dozed off I couldn’t see the point in moving her back to the bassinet. I didn’t want to disturb her and the closeness was wonderful as we snoozed together. While she slept I mostly just lay there and gazed with wonder at this new little person.

We went home the following day with only a vague idea of how things should go.
That day (and the subsequent week) I spent mostly in bed with Buttercup as we fed and slept and chatted to our family who came to visit.

Come night-time, however, we attempted to settle tiny Buttercup in the cot next to our bed. Why? I don’t know. Social conditioning I suppose. Babies sleep in cots at night. Don’t they?
Well, apparently nobody had told Buttercup this. She objected strenuously to being removed from her nice warm mummy. She cried, I cried. Tgd (tinygreendada) tried to comfort everyone. In the end we put her back into our bed and we all slept happily (my memory may be slightly rose tinted here).

The next day, the side was removed from the cot and the cot frame tied to the king size bed frame and voila, bed extension. We were three in a bed.

The tiny little person that was our daughter used to sleep snuggled right into my armpit and as I’d move in the night the little one would chase me slug-like across the bed until her dada was gripping onto the edge for dear life.

But I was finding it difficult to relax at night ( I’m quite a wound up person and was especially so in Buttercup’s early months) so when the tiny one was sound asleep I’d move her onto the cot part of the bed ( a mere few inches away) so we could all get some sleep before the next feed.

By the time she was five months old the side was back on the cot as I was afraid that now that she could roll she would get caught in the small gap between cot mattress and bed mattress. We put a rail on the side of our bed and some times she slept in the big bed, sometimes in the cot.

When she reached 7 months, I was almost two months pregnant. Buttercup would sleep soundly until we came to bed then every movement of ours seemed to wake her. After two weeks of this I was exhausted from pregnancy and soothing her back to sleep. Reluctantly we moved her cot into our spare room. We also kept a double bed in there so we could be with her if she was having trouble sleeping. The deal we made with her is that if she wanted mummy or daddy any time she just had to call and we’d be there. We all slept much better.

When she turned nine months we had a particularly rough 3 months when 10 of her teeth came through one after another. I slept with her every night in the double bed for that time so she could feed all night for pain relief and comfort.


Since Primrose was born she’s slept in with us. We’re much more relaxed this time around about sleeping arrangements and parenting in general. She’s almost 4 months now and a happy little bed monster. I’m much more settled in my motherhood and have no problem getting sleep with a tiny nuzzled in against me. I never have to get up during the night to comfort her; I just reach out and pat her in my sleep (so tgd tells me).

When tgd asks me if Primrose woke often during the night, I usually have difficulty remembering. I have no idea how many feeds she takes at night as we just go with the flow (excuse the appalling pun), I don’t check the time and we tend not to fully wake for feeds.
The only issue I have is that most mornings it is me who tends to wake up in the cot as our tiniest person sprawls out in the middle of the bed.

As for our darling Buttercup, when she is having a rough night daddy goes and sleeps in with her, or if Primrose has just fed and is settled I’ll spend some time in with my big tiny person.

So we have two family beds that we all share and everyone gets a happy nights sleep. Most of the time anyway. It’s what works for our family.

For more information on co-sleeping see
Kellymom.on breastfeeding and co-sleeping
Elizabeth Pantley’s checklist for safe co-sleeping.
Dr Green on SIDS and the Family Bed
Dr Sears on sleeping safely with your baby

Breastfeeding bits for hospital

With no.2 due imminently I’m getting my breastfeeding bits together for hospital.

Now all you really need are boobs but there are a few other bits that make life easier:

• Breastfeeding cushion - a u shaped cushion really helps those first few weeks with a tiny baby. The cheap and cheerful ones do just fine!
  
• Comfy clothes – either front opening or I found it more convenient to wear a vest top under a t-shirt and then pull t-shirt up and vest down (this keeps a lot covered too).
  
• Breastpads – cotton reusable washable ones are very comfortable but some people might prefer the convenience of disposable ones while in hospital.
  
• Lahnisoh cream – great for moisturising during those first few days.
  
• Breastfeeding bras – I particularly like the drop cup ones. Only two as breast size changes a few times as the milk comes in and then again as the supply settles.
  
• ‘The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding’ book by La Leche League.
  
• Contact details for breastfeeding support groups.
  
• Most important - lots of determination, patience and a sense of humour.

Breastfeeding while pregnant

When I became pregnant last year Buttercup was only 6 months old. She was just beginning to experiment with solids and we were planning on breastfeeding for at least another six months as we were doing baby-led weaning.

My first indication of being pregnant was that latching began to be uncomfortable for me and Buttercup began to increase the time she spent feeding, I think this may have been because she was working to keep my supply up.

I found great support and advice on the parenting website Rollercoaster and on, the then newly launched, Breastway site. Someone recommended the book Adventures in Tandem Feeding by La Leche League and this really helped me to believe that, yes breastfeeding while pregnant would be possible for us.

Now it hasn’t been easy all the time. We had a teething marathon at the start of the year and as she wanted to feed all night for comfort, I was pretty exhausted. I also needed to go on iron supplements this pregnancy, I hadn’t when pregnant with Buttercup, but I put that down mainly to the teething weeks.

When I was seven months pregnant and Buttercup thirteen months old my supply and her interest (and mine too, if I’m honest) dwindled and after three days without a breast feed, I realised we were weaned. It was quite emotional as I had been prepared to the whole tandem feeding thing, but such is life.

Talking to other mums who have breastfed during pregnancy, experiences vary. For some they seem to lose supply quite early in the pregnancy, for others they have an abundance that sees them through the nine months and beyond. Physically and emotionally mums and babies reactions vary from the desire to wean almost immediately (especially if the baby is older) to being quite happy to nurse away into the foreseeable future.

Whatever your choice there is an increasing amount of information and support out there.